Whenever people contact me to work on issues they are unsure about that concern their relationship, I always make it a point to try to find out if they are coming to see if the relationship can be salvaged or …
On heresy
When I started my private practice in the late 1980s, I found myself in the odd position of suddenly having an influx of referrals from two very unexpected sources. I started seeing former Catholic nuns – older women who had …
Sexual Revolution? For Whom?
As a couple therapist, I hear heterosexual women describe one-sided sexual contact with men all the time. By one-sided, I mean the focus is on male pleasure and the woman’s pleasure is either not attended to by the man or, …
From chores to life work – talking to kids about contributing at home
Reflections on rights, needs, contribution and privilege in the domestic sphere Many couples and single parents I speak with complain to me that their children don’t ‘do enough’ or don’t ‘help enough’ around the house with household ‘chores’. While I’m …
Why marriages don’t last anymore
In 2019, the divorce rate stood at 43%. That’s just official marriages. If we were able to take into account committed de facto relationships, which constitute a significant proportion of relationships today, that figure would rise substantially. So, the people …
Men who ‘help’ their women partners … and the women who feel at their wits end with them
As a couple therapist, I constantly work with couples who fight about sex, housework and kids. Typically, working with heterosexual couples, I hear women complain that the men don’t do enough or anything around the house or with the kids. …
Exceptions and exemptions in a pandemic
Or – how Karen is fighting to run the COVID-19 show. Every year, in the lead up to Christmas, I hear people talk, obsess, and incessantly grumble about Christmas. For a supposedly joyful time, Christmas, for many people, seems to …
About Sibling Abuse
Sibling abuse isn’t sibling rivalry or jealousy. Sibling abuse is emotional, physical or sexual abuse by a sibling. Often parents don’t see it for what it is – abuse. As a rule, parents and society expect fights and aggression between siblings. …
The Power to Heal – Apologies in Relationship Conflict
Relationships invariably involve peaks and troughs. No matter how close two people might be, disagreements, misunderstandings and hurt feelings will happen. Such mis-attunements, while common, can mean the difference between a relationship that deepens and strengthens, and one that founders …
The Relationship Blueprint
I think of relationship as an invitation between two people to build a structure together, a building of sorts, which will become their relationship home. For this building to be a sound home for both people, it needs to feel …